I'm not one to put on blast what has happened in my life. I don't want pity or sad eyes staring at me. I like to believe I am strong and even though I may shed some tears and need a friends shoulder every once and a while, mentally and emotionally I know I can steer through any troubled waters knowing I am stronger then I realize.
2012 started off with grieving for a major unexpected loss in my life, I've never lost a family member at an age where it would hit me so hard. Learning how it felt to be blind sided and learning how it truly felt to be sad because I didn't get to say goodbye was something I never really knew till it smacked me in my face.
2012 also started with uncertainty about my health. I was told I had cancer. I was informed that the cancer was probably spreading and I would need surgery. There are no words to describe the feeling of not knowing what your body is doing to itself or what is to be expected in the future. Will my dreams of getting married happen? Will I have children? Will I be able to complete all my life goals? I had my first major surgery in February of 2012 and have a scar across my neck. That scar, though is hard to still look at, reminds me every day that I am here, I am alive, I am healthy, and I thankful for my health every day. I ended up not having cancer and had a benign tumor removed in the end. That experience transformed me to take better care of myself and question what enters my temple.
Not only 1 month later I was hit with fear again. My father is living with stage 4 cancer. Living is the key word I had to learn and repeat to myself every day. He wakes up every morning, he still is able to work, he is still able to cook his amazing meals for family and friends who want to spend time with him, and he is still able to laugh. My father is my family's rock and from the day he got his diagnosis we have learned to be his rock. We all have stepped up to care for him, he is our everything.
Through this year I have been forced out of my naive world (that I never knew I was in until these events happened) and I have entered my 30's. I am becoming the woman I want to be. I am strong. I am able to follow what feels best for me. I have many still unanswered questions looming in my head, but at least I am confident to know I will answer them one day.
My blog is my safe haven. I am confident in knowing I'm not asking for attention. I simply want a place to rest my words before this year is out.
May you all find peace and health in the new year...
Midge xoxo
